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When Horses Cry

  • I wrote the following post the day after the shooting of innocent Amish Children in Paradise, PA.  I have pulled it from my Archives because I believe we need to read it again.

The sound of the horses hooves were heard across the cornfields as they pulled the carriages carrying the Mothers and Fathers, Sisters and Brothers, Aunts and Uncles, and fellow neighbors of the Amish Community of Paradise Pennsylvania making their way to the funeral of the man who, just two days ago, senselessly murdered their daughters. “They had already forgiven him.” the press wrote that morning, and now they were on their way to console the wife and children of this man, and to stand at his gravesite and pray that he would find the peace in death that he could not find in life.

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The Last Spiritual Warrior – Living a Zen Inspired Life

“They are an intriguing people.  From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they do.”  – The Last Samurai

A friend of mine asked me the other day, “How can I make my spiritual life more than just wanting a new Mercedes?”  In the East they say, “It is better to know the right question than to know the right answer.”  My friend “knows” the “right question”.
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Living the Zen Iinspired Life – If there is no resolve, you might as well stay on the sofa.

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” – Buddha

Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.” So is “resolve” the missing ingredient in most people’s efforts to create real and lasting changes in their lives? Take for example one’s weight loss effort, getting to the gym, trying to stop procrastinating, cleaning that closet, or practicing to be more compassionate, without resolve we might as well stay on the sofa. Now I believe that at all times we already know what we need to do, we just don’t like it. Most people never get pass their habitual behavior of finding “excuses” as to why “they can’t”. My three-year old daughter, who is my teacher on many levels, always says to me whenever I tell her “she can’t”, “But I can try.” I often tell people, “Today a persons word is equal to their excuses.” We talk a great deal about who we can rely on in times of trouble, most of us are never on that list.

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23
Mar

Calling On All Bodhisattvas

Buddhism teaches that there is nothing we can do to stave off aging, illness, loss, or death. It is inevitable that they will come. How we conduct ourselves during and after is the definition of who we are as human-beings. An essential quality of a fully mature human being, of a fully realized enlightened being, especially during difficult times, is to have the heart of a Bodhisattva. The traditional definition of a Bodhisattva is, “someone who chooses not to enter the state of perfect peace, called nirvana, in order to help all sentient beings to liberate themselves from suffering and its causes.” Here the use of the term “perfect peace” does not mean the complete absence of anxiety. It points to how the Bodhisattva responds to stressful and anxious moments like the one we find ourselves in today. Traditionally Buddhism teaches the every being possesses “basic goodness,” therefore every being is a potential Bodhisattva.

While no one including myself welcomes physical pain or mental anxiety, the heart of the Bodhisattva is large enough to hold both pleasure and pain; both the loved-one and the enemy; both the friend and the stranger, in compassionate equanimity. The Bodhisattva embraces his or her kinship not only with those he or she loves, but also with those we may not love or even hate, or with the stranger, and with the whole of nature which sustains all of us. We are related, to all beings past, present, and future. We are also interconnected through our relatedness; therefore what happens to one-being, happens to all of us. We are interconnected biologically, ecologically, economically, and politically. We are interdependent as well. We are in this together, we always have been. We need to support one-another, communicate everyday, says the things you’ve been putting off all of your life.

If there ever was a time in human history, (and there have been other times) once again, now is a time to “Call On All Bodhisattvas”. While fear and anxiety tend to dominate the hearts and minds of so many fellow human beings during this global crises, the heart of the Bodhisattva offers an avenue toward calm, a border point-of-view (options) healing, and possibility, during what feels so impossible. Qualities such as patience, tolerance, loving-kindness, compassion, generosity, and benevolence, applied to how we respond to this crises, can do us all much good. These qualities nurture not only one-another when practiced, science tells us our mental attitude can either weaken or strengthen the human immune system. These qualities though inherent in all of us, sometimes far too often, prove to be difficult to embrace and actualize; requiring practice or regular application and renewal through a daily practice of quiet reflection (contemplation); meditation; and living more purposefully and mindful, not only of our thoughts and emotions, but also of how we communicate with our words and with our actions.

COVID19 is real. Everyone must, follow the recommendations of the experts: regularly wash your hands, keep a safe “social distance” from others, and stay out of public gathering places with more than ten people. Following these recommendations can help prevent you and others from contracting this virus.

COVID19 however, is not the only thing that isolates and separates us. We were divided long before this virus ever touched our shores. We need to be honest with ourselves and each other about this if we are ever going to defeat this virus and other deadly diseases such as: economic inequality, injustice, all forms of discrimination, polarization, poverty, religious and political intolerance, and other social diseases which have made their way through the population long before COVID19.

Alienation, resentment, greed and hatred have never dispelled darkness in our world. Only the truth of loving-kindness; compassion; generosity; mercy; and benevolence, the most ancient and inexhaustible truth which has time and time again proven to bring light, into the darkened corners of our world. From this Truth, we begin to align our priorities including our choices and our behavior and endeavor to dissolve all forms of oppression, doing our part as Bodhisattvas to help all sentient beings liberate themselves from suffering and its causes. Through solidarity we are present for one-another (if not physically), and care for each other (regulasrly pick up the phone, email, write a letter, or text), drawing from the best of our angels, of our — True-nature.

In Zen, especially in times of uncertainty, we can create some certainty in our lives. We do not just abandon years of practice and training because of the fear and anxiety we may be experiencing or because of desperation. We “respond” to the moment by bringing to the moment our practice and training. You and I have no power over what the world may be, or any person for that matter, at any given time whether they be simpler times or complex such as these. What we do have power over, is, our own actions and behaviors.

We can bring some certainty to the moment by being in the present moment with integrity. Here I find the emphasis on having a “daily routine” helpful.

When I wake up in the morning I take a moment to reflect and assess my experience. I apply the basic techniques of living mindfully. I take a breathe or few and bring my awareness to my body and any mental formations. I offer my prayers of gratitude. When I get out of bed I go to the bathroom and with “mindful attention” I wash my hands, my face, and sometimes my entire body; quietly, reflectively, gratefully. I then make my bed. (Never leave your bedroom without making your bed. It makes a hell of a lot of difference when you seek refuge for a nap or when you retire later that evening.) I Turn off all electric items such as the lamp, air filter, and radio. I then make my way down the hall greeted by my cats, I take the time to respond to their needs, then eventually my dog and her needs. While I make it a practice to leave no dirty dishes in the sink except sometimes, I take care of what is needed there. I heat the teapot full of water and prepare my morning matcha tea with honey. I continue from there throughout the day. When I’m hungry I eat. When I’m thirsty I drink. When there’s dishes to clean, I clean the dishes. When it’s time to pray or meditate, I pray and meditate. When it’s time to rest, I rest. When it’s time to write these words, I sit and write. Routine gives us a sense of “living our lives our way.” I do not “do” anything because I “have to”, I always bring an attitude of, “This is my home. My pets are part of my family. My home protects me, keeps me sheltered, warm, and creates a space for me to be. So as I always tell my ten-year old daughter, “The house takes care of us, our pets give us happiness and joy, they take care of us, so we take care of the house and our pets, and friends, guests, and other family members.”

I can remember the arrival of the first computer. The geeks in my class had a field day. It was like the heavens opened and God sent manna. As time went on and we all began to learn how to use a computer one of my friends, one of the geeks, was heard to say, “Garbage in, garbage out.” Later, I like so many learned he was referring to the mechanics of a computer. A computer can only give us whatever is on its hard drive and in its memory. Likewise, a human-being can only react or respond according to whatever is on his or her “hard-drive and in his or her memory”.

So, watch what you expose yourself to while isolated in your homes.
I strongly encourage everyone to “go on a strict diet” of watching cable news. I personally limit it to just at best a half-hour in the morning, a half-hour at night, and sometimes less. The same is true about social media. “Garbage in, garbage out.” Not that there is no value whatsoever in checking in with the rest of the world. But as you know, it’s not like the days of “Walter Cronkite,” “just the facts”. When you randomly just listen to others without filtering the information and blindly accepting it as fact you open yourself to, many other forms of viruses neither good for the mind and the body. Remember that the body takes its cues from your “state of mind”. Do whatever keeps it calm, quiet, and prepared to respond, not just react, to the challenges rising up from moment to moment. As I write these words I am listening to channel 443 on the Comcast cable network. I recommend it.

Finally, having been diagnosed nearly two years ago with pancreatic cancer, I refused to let the cancer, the chemo-therapy, radiation, my daily exhaustion, any side effects, and yes my own fears, to define me.
I fell in love many years ago with The Great Mystery, call it God or Buddha; with this beautiful beautiful planet we occupy together; with my daughter since the first day she was born ten-years ago; with my ninety-year old parents; my sibling; my friends; my fellow monks and students, and the many persons who have visited Pine Wind over the years. What defines me are the Vows I’ve taken and, recite regularly to myself and in the liturgy. They are my personal promises, not just traditional precepts of a Student-of-Dharma. They can be summed up with my experience I have had on numerous occasions including during this part of my journey with cancer.

“It is and continues to be a privilege to be alive. I am honored and grateful for the number of lessons I have learned from everyone I have had contact with in one form or another. Every breath I breathe is gift. Every person who come through these doors, who make the choice to be here when they could be anywhere else in their world, is gift. I am grateful that perhaps whatever days I have left I will get to live them in the heart of the natural world; that I will continue to be called to a life of benevolent service. That I will not be and am not ever alone. I will continue to make this journey with my fellow monks, my brothers and sisters, loved and selflessly supported by friends of Pine Wind and that, like Robert Frost once wrote of himself, in the end: “If I would have it writ upon my stone, let it say, “I had a lovers quarrel with the world.” This, is what defines me. I pray that I will always have the strength and mental fortitude to never fail in my definition and, like my relationship with my dog I hope, “That I will always be the person you think I am.”

“We are so much more together than alone!” Let this be our hope for the future, to realize this. Let this be our only intention, to actualize this everywhere.

I love you,
Seijaku Roshi

10
Mar

Fear

“The need for the Dharma is stronger than ever. We can choose to live in our fears, confusion, and worries; or to stay in the essence of our practice, center ourselves, and be the ones on this beautiful boat of the earth that demonstrate patience, compassion, mindfulness, and mutual care.” – Jack Kornfield

The dictionary defines “fear” as: a feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone. No one would deny that we are living in a time of uncertainty and causes for concern. We can choose to view the world and current events exclusively from a place of fear, doubt, and worriment, or we can choose to view it from a place of “faith” as we feel both the strength and fragility of our “interdependence and interconnectedness”.

As some of you reading this may know, nearly twenty-four months ago I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. (I continue the “good fight” to defeat the cancer in my body to this day.) Needless to say my immediate emotional response was one of fear. Over the past twenty-four months I relied on my forty-five years of practice and training in Zen and my “faith,” and found “refuge” in the Dharma and made a conscious choice to come from a place of faith rather than my fears.

Recently I presented a two hour talk on “Working With Our Emotions”. During that talk I reminded people that, “We are not our feelings or our emotions.” We have feelings, and we have emotions, but “we” are much larger than any feeling or emotion we may be experiencing at anytime. History is full of so many examples of how both individuals as well as small and large groups of people transcended their feelings and emotions to meet the current challenges and to bring about great change in their lives, the lives of others, and to our planet.

In times, such as these, of uncertainty and good cause for concern and vigilance, we need to remember that, “We’ve been here before.” Perhaps some of you reading this have not lived long enough to experience what I mean as a nation or a community, but certainly each of us I am confident, if we took the time to contemplate this moment, can remember other times in our lives when fear dominated our experience and despite its presence we made it through and overcame our reasons for fear.

I will admit that my cancer and the chemotherapy I am receiving are cause for fear to visit me every day. It would be foolish, deceptive, and unrealistic to suggest that that should be different just because I am a Zen monk and live a spiritual life. The First Noble Truth applies to everyone, even the Buddha, Christ, and the Prophets.

So what’s a monk or anyone else for that matter to do?

First, “Do Not Panic.” Educate yourself and “do what is necessary”. Listen to your doctor or other “experts”.

Next, when fear surfaces we are to expect it, while at the same time not “fear” it. (It was Franklin Roosevelt during the some of the darkest days on the planet, WWII, who said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Meaning we need to have an appropriate relationship with this sometimes quite powerful emotion. (Here, “appropriate” means “one that works” to support us and get us through the storm.)

Fear is a normal systemic anatomical reaction to both real and perceived threats. Sometimes our fear is a function of our “perception of the moment” or of what’s going on in the world. We need the wisdom to discern the difference between “real threats” and “perceived threats”. We need to remind ourselves that we possess the knowledge and the courage to do whatever is necessary to meet the challenge both real or perceived.

Next, whenever we experience fear or anxiety real or which is part of your perception of what’s happening, stop and take a breath. Find that still place within yourself and try to “bear witness” to your experience and to the narrative which is creating your experience. Continue to breath slowly and deeply until you find yourself coming to a more calm and rational state of awareness. As I mentioned earlier, every morning I am greeted by fear and when I am in a “chemo-week,” most of my day feels fearful and uncertain. Now you need to know that there are times when the experience is overwhelming. Whether or not, my training has taught me to find refuge in both my breath and bearing witness. The feeling or emotion may not go away immediately or for some time but, I do not allow the feeling or emotion to define me or who I choose or need to be in the moment. This is my “act of faith”. My choice to believe that no matter what is happening in my world or the world around me, “In the final reckoning all will be well.”

Next, this is what “living spiritually” is about. We all, both monks and laypersons, need to regularly pray, meditate, contemplate, and choose to “be the ones on this beautiful boat of the earth that demonstrate patience, compassion, mindfulness, and mutual care.” For ourselves, our families, our neighbors, and fellow brothers and sisters, and for the entire world.

I would also like to suggest that you strongly limit exposure to both social media and cable news. Remember, we live in a “culture of fear,” and it is the business of both these medias to report current events from a place of suspicion and yes – fear. Be very “selfish” about what you allow to enter your sphere of consciousness. I am not suggesting no exposure, but perhaps a real “diet” is in order here.

These may be “The times which try men’s souls.” They are also times for men and women of real faith, real spirituality, to rise up as our ancestors did so often and, be what the world needs now.

So slow down. Trust yourself. Trust your family and friends. Trust the Dharma. Wash your hands. Learn to gassho (prayer hands) and bow instead of shaking hands and hugging. And always remember, “Everything is of the nature of impermanence, this too shall pass”. And when it does, I’ll be waiting to give you one big hug!

I Love You,
Seijaku Roshi

2
Mar

rev·o·lu·tion

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is closed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
— William Butler Yeats

Everywhere you go there is talk of a revolution. Even His Holiness Pope Francis as well as The Dalai Lama has suggested that what the world needs now is some kind of “spiritual or moral revolution”. The difference between these two holy men and those around the neighborhood bar or attending a political rally, is that they understand as I do that, the revolution they point to must come from within each person desiring real and sustainable change in our current world conditions. For centuries past we have for too long engaged the wrong-notion that the world around us needs to change when, all the evidence shows that the “world around us” is in fact the world man has created and; that creation finds it roots in mans current or historical state of mind or consciousness.

The dictionary defines “rev-o-lu-tion” as: a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or in people’s ideas about it. By nature any authentic spiritual approach to life is “revolutionary” or “transformational”. What authentic spirituality really does, is plant the seed of ancient wisdom within the person or, more accurately nurtures the existing Seed of Consciousness inherent in every individual, which in turn “causes” a “wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or people’s ideas about it.

Most peoples idea of spirituality is in reality another form of “modern day marketing and consumerism.” You take the world’s idea about life such as, “the pursuit of happiness, or pleasure, material possessions, or financial security” and repackage it in a box with pretty colors and great slogans, (usually quotes from Zen or the Tao, not to forget that symbol “Yin-Yan”) and label it —“Being Spiritual”. The aim of both “modern marketing” and what is often “marketed” as “spirituality” is just another way of luring the individual to a product that is designed to “appease the ego’s desires”; whether it be “better and improved feelings and emotions,” “financial wealth and security,” or just the notion that “if you buy this you will become more, better, or different in no time whatsoever, requiring little to no changes in your behavior”.

The confusion, anxiety, stress, self-doubt, worriment, fear of uncertainty, political polarization, and all the rest, is now as it has been through the centuries, less about the content in a persons life, and more about the lack of or complete absence of discipline and integrity (context). It is a “crises of identity”. What the Buddha, and Christ, the Prophets, and Sages, have all been saying to us while society continues to ignore it or put a blind eye to it (Ignorance: what the Buddha identifies in the Second Noble Truth as the cause of our discontentment.). It’s no wonder we regularly feel confused and uncertain about our footing in the world; our society has dissolved into a myriad of disparate and conflicting images and notions about what it means to be human, let alone “E Pluribus Unum — Out of many — One”.

If the Western world today appears to lack a commitment to a life of real-faith and integrity, “it may be because that the terms of that faith have lost all purchase in their memory and imagination.” In Yeats’s poem he suggests that, even those with “the best” intentions lack the necessary conviction to fully realize and actualize their faith, lost “to a generation completely spellbound by the glitter of technology, the lure of consumerism, and the surreal whirlwind of change in a global, media-saturated environment.”

(This was never more evident to me than a recent trip to Disney World with my 10 year old daughter and her mother. The planning of which took months, and the execution of which took four days. My intention was to enjoy a time I may not have many more opportunities for, to witness in my daughters eyes the “wonder and amazement” I experienced, as a small child of the 50’s and 60’s watching Walt Disney World on our family’s black and white TV every Sunday evening. While I admit that there certainly were opportunities for that, the reality was that the designed environment was clearly intended to “spellbound the visitor by the glitter of technology, the lure of consumerism, and the surreal whirlwind of change in a global, media-saturated environment.” You were lured into a theme of wonder, beauty, and promise, only to be ushered out at the end to the next theme through a maze of “merchandise” which would leave any one person bankrupt after a short while. And not just financially. Everywhere, not only the technology required to create the surreal experience of “Soaring Around The World,” or actually “Being a citizen of the Empire” was evident, and there were as many I-Phones “the citizens” carried with them distracting them even more from any possibility of any real human contact. That and the numbers of “All the Lonely People” that populated the small spaces provided in the lines and the parks themselves, standing and waiting sometimes hours on end for what would be a 15 minute sensational experience, rarely looked up enough from there cell-phones to see each other let alone have any genuine contact with other. At the end of the day you found yourself even in the best physical condition, as opposed to my own, too exhausted to even have that “family conversation” either on the bus ride back to your room or after you arrived.)

The singular goal of any authentic spiritual approach to living ones life is, “to awaken in human beings a sense of original innocence, or what Buddhism calls the Original Self.” That “True-Self” which while may not yet be realized by the individual, yet exists and awaits to be re-awakened. In the book titled, “The Way of Peace,” Morihei Ueshiba, the father of the ancient Japanese martial art Aikido writes, “You are here for no other purpose but to realize your inner divinity and manifest your inner enlightenment.” Here is where the revolution begins, where transformation is possible.

What I call “The Principle of Identity” is the ground, the cornerstone, of any authentic spiritual practice or approach to living one’s life spiritually. The principle states that, “whatever you identify with, you become.”
If you know yourself as Chardin suggested as, “a spiritual being immersed in a human experience,” your lifestyle will reflect this and your experience both of yourself and your place in the world will reflect this as well. What follows is your views of yourself, the meaning of your life, your life’s purpose, and the world around you will also reflect this. Remember what I said earlier, if we are going to have any kind of global revolution or transformation, it must begin with you, it must begin with me. It must emerge from within and “realize and actualize itself in the world” through you.

Zen, and its practices, too often are mistaken to be passive in nature. Rather, Zen is a living tradition vibrantly responding to the issues and circumstances as well as the signs of the time. In Mahayana (Zen) Buddhism there is the emphasis about the life of the “Bodhisattva” – a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings. The Bodhisattva is fully engaged in the world for the benefit of all sentient beings, while not being of the world. (Here “of the world” means, “the world man created”.) His or her view of themselves and their place in the world transcends all modern day images and ideas about what a man or woman, a citizen, a worker, a person, truly is. (The literal translation of the word “bodhi satt va” means: Sanskrit: one whose essence is enlightenment, from bodhi – enlightenment + sattva – essence.) It follows that a Bodhisattva “vows” to live his or her life as a benefit for others, as a conduit for cessation from all forms of suffering. It also follows that every serious practitioner of Zen, is a Bodhisattva and, at once mystical and political, spiritual and intellectual, personal and transcendent, sacrificial and life-giving.

Make no mistake about it, contrary to contemporary western representations of spirituality, Zen calls us and, sometimes drags us, out of our comfort zones; while inviting us into a more fluid realm, a contemplative experience, mystery. Awakening the memory of our “inner divinity,” whether through the employment of new kinds of language and behavior (etiquette), new and also ancient forms of prayer (chanting), disciplines (virtue), and liturgy, make no mistake about it will require risk. Like the mystical image and meaning of the life of the butterfly, the caterpillar must cease to be before it can fly free. Free of its old form, sacrificed or laid down in order to fully realize the complete meaning and purpose of its existence, and in fully realizing it may truly thrive.

Zen is, and must, if its ever to continue to retain its ancient yet modern viable identity, insist on the practitioners willingness to die to the old image of themselves and the world, and open their hearts to the possibility of a new yet ancient reality living and hungering within us to be alive; to sacrifice that socially acceptable image of “me, myself, and I” in order to actualize and manifest that enlightened, True-Self, in the world, for the world’s benefit.

Toward the objective of “Zen Training” or practice, which I have already pointed to, Zen employs four basic vehicles — “The cultivation of Wisdom through meditation, contemplation, and mindfulness (awareness); the study of ancient teachings; living a virtuous life, and benevolent service.” Once again, Morihei Ueshiba reminds us, “The Art of Peace begins with you. Work on yourself and your [appropriate] task in the Art of Peace. Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow…Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all that you encounter.”

Zen can be described as a “way-of-life,” or more accurately a “way-of-being” in the world. “One does not need buildings, money, power or status to practice the Art of Peace. Heaven is right where you are standing, and that is the place to train.” In Zen, we do not look for God or Buddha outside ourselves, they are within us. It is because of this fundamental truth that we train how to “live in the kingdom of heaven,” which is always “right wherever we are standing” at anytime. The world is our Zendo. While we may come together as Sangha or Community to train in a specific Zendo (Pine Wind), our training or practice, does not end when we exit. We train together at Pine Wind in order that we may be able to “return to the market place,” and be a “light in the darkened corners of the world”.

Another widely held misconception of the spiritual life is, that while we are admonished to “be in the world but not of it,” the spiritual life somehow exists apart from the world and our daily lives. The fact of the matter is, that, “our lives just as they are, is the spiritual life”. If we understand the words from the Art of Peace, “Heaven is right where you are standing, and is the place to train.” Our lives and everything about our lives, is our training. We are to “work on ourselves and our appropriate task in the Art of Peace.”

Usually when I ask people what their practice is, they will tell me, “Oh I meditate.” Or “I do Yoga.” Or “Reiki.” Authentic spiritual training takes place in your daily life, “your life” is the training or practice. Spirituality and daily living are not separate from each other. “Not Two” as we say in Zen.“All things, material and spiritual, originate from one source and are related as if they were one family. The past, present, and future are all contained in the life force. The universe emerged and developed from one source, and we evolved through the optimal process of unification and harmonization.” We are to work on our lives as they are at the moment, remembering that “Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow…” We work with our uncomfortable emotions, reactions, fears, worriments, self-doubts, criticisms, judgements, and all the rest. “Fostering peace in your own life and then applying the Art to all that you encounter…Heaven, earth, humankind, United in the path of harmony and joy, following the Art of Peace, across the vast seas, and on the highest peaks.”

In short, living spiritually, living a Zen Inspired Life, is “to become fully impregnated in a mystical and truly mysterious tradition,” to “manifest fully the mystical dimensions of this ageless and timeless way-of-being in the world, hence to help us do what we must really do in order to bring about real and sustainable change in the world: live our faith — fully, deeply, in its totality.”

“The Art of Peace is medicine for a sick world. We went to cure the world of the sickness of violence, malcontent, and discord — this is the Way of Harmony. There is evil and disorder in the world because people have forgotten that all things emigrate from one source. Return to that source and leave behind all self-centered thoughts, petty desires, and anger. Those who are possessed by nothing possess everything.” — Morihei Ueshiba

Viva La Revolution!

I love you,
Seijaku Roshi

30
Jan

“We Are Her Only Hope, and She Is Ours”

“Praise be to you, my Lord”. In the words of this beautiful canticle, Saint Francis of Assisi reminds us that our common home is like a sister with whom we share our life and a beautiful mother who opens her arms to embrace us. “Praise be to you, my Lord, through our Sister, Mother Earth, who sustains and governs us, and who produces various fruit with colored flowers and herbs. This sister now cries out to us because of the harm we have inflicted on her by our irresponsible use and abuse of the goods with which God has endowed her. We have come to see ourselves as her lords and masters, entitled to plunder her at will. The violence present in our hearts, wounded by sin, is also reflected in the symptoms of sickness evident in the soil, in the water, in the air and in all forms of life. This is why the earth herself, burdened and laid waste, is among the most abandoned and maltreated of our poor; she “groans in travail” (Rom 8:22). We have forgotten that we ourselves are dust of the earth (cf. Gen 2:7); our very bodies are made up of her elements, we breathe her air and we receive life and refreshment from her waters.” – Pope Francis I “Laudato Si”

Basic to all Buddhist teachings is the “interconnected and interdependent” nature of all of creation. Nothing happens in a vacuum. The threats of climate change and the increase of natural disasters across our globe are directly interconnected with the current state of consciousness of all sentient beings, especially the human family. Our Mother Earth is ill and crying out for healing, healing which can only come from us. As we become more and more polarized and alienated from each other, we can expect increased natural disasters and the Earth continuing to strive to survive the threat of total extinction. Her healing and renewal depends entirely on our willingness to heal the rift between us, to learn to live together with each other and the natural world, and commit wholeheartedly to global programs, not only here at home but everywhere, that guarantee not only the sustainability of life on Earth but also, insuring that all its inhabitants are guaranteed an opportunity to thrive equally.

Often you have heard me say, “Quiet Mind, Quiet Body; Quiet Body, Quiet Environment; Quiet Environment – Peace on Earth.” Both in theological and wisdom teachings we find the teachings that, “The Garden of Eden is everywhere.” Or as in Buddhism we say, “The Pure Land is everywhere.” However, if we do not see it within ourselves, if we do not see it where we dwell, we will not see it anywhere. Jesus said, “Though you may have eyes to see, you cannot see.” Furthermore we, human beings, are “co-creators,” what we create becomes a part of Nature, good and bad. Therefore as the Buddha taught, our thoughts, our words, and our actions not only make a difference but become a “reality” not only in our lives but also in the lives of all sentient beings. “What we think or dwell on, we become.” Not only “me” but everyone, the whole world. So when we look outward, what we see in the World is merely a reflection of the state of mind of the human family. We need to heal the World from within. Peace, friendship, equality, justice, the end of poverty and conflicts. Must begin with us, with “Me”.

“Ponlop Rinpoche said, “In the process of uncovering Buddha-Nature, in the process of uncovering our open, un-fixated quality of our mind, we have to be willing to get our hands dirty.” In other words, he was saying that we need to be willing to work with our disturbing emotions, the ones that feel entirely dark. But Ponlop Rinpoche added something really important to this statement. He said that without having a direct experience of our emotions, we can never touch the heart of Buddha-Nature. We can never actually hear the message of awakening.” If we are ever going to heal the Earth, if we are ever going to transform social consciousness, we need to stop pointing out the “darkness” we see in the world and see the darkness “within ourselves,” and begin the work of transformation there. And, this means, “getting our hands dirty”. We need to give up the false notion that spirituality is this kind of blissful ride into heaven. It never was for any one of the Great Masters, including Buddha or Moses, or Jesus; or for Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr., and others. Only now have so many come short of full realization because they consider spirituality as an escape from the problems of the World, rather than the solution, which requires our full participation and engagement in, “getting our hands dirty”. (Actually, a lot of people have the misunderstanding that this is what meditation is about. They believe meditation includes everything except that which feels uncomfortable or takes us out of our bliss zone.)

Engaging Authentic Spirituality, in Buddhism particularly, emphasizes the importance of maintaining an holistic balance in life. While there is a history of personal salvation or liberation taking precedence in the Buddhist schools, the rise of the Mahayana (Zen) school particularly in the doctrine of The Bodhisattva Ideal, reaches past the individual to relate Buddhist soteriology to society as a whole. The Bodhisattva achieves his or her own salvation or liberation from suffering and its causes, only to Vow to return lifetime after lifetimes, to aid and assist other sentient beings to achieve theirs. As The Monks of Pine Wind recite regularly, “One for All, All for One,” and “Community is the Spirit, The Guiding Light” of everything we do and strive to achieve.

Albert Einstein, in his efforts to describe what he saw as the “real condition” of The Universe wrote, “A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” Our spiritual work or “task” is to free ourselves from this “optical delusion, a kind of prison” in order that we may then be able to, “widen our circle of compassion” and help to bring about the total transformation of the human family who in turn can then heal “the whole of nature and its beauty.”

Buddha-Nature includes opening to all of these things, beginning with the fundamental truth we so much strive to avoid, “Life is Suffering,” and our salvation or liberation is to be found in the midst of the many forms of suffering we have created in our world. We must not turn our hearts and our minds from the reality of the all pervasive suffering going on in our planet today. We must as Pema Chodrin writes in her book, “Dealing with Uncertainty,” that spiritual practice or way-of-being in the world begins with “cutting off all escape routes”. We must be willing to “get our hands dirty”.

As I began, allow me to finish by quoting Pope Francis I as he spoke years ago before the United Nations emphasizing that, “Ecological catastrophe under the effective explosion of industrial civilization…requires an urgent need for a radical change in the conduct of humanity, inasmuch as the most extraordinary scientific advances, the most amazing technical abilities, the most astonishing economic growth, unless they are accompanied by authentic social and moral progress, will definitively turn against man.”

I have a dear friend, who sadly whenever they speak about the future of the world, can only see an apocalyptic end quickly approaching. My response is always the same, “I do and I must remain hopeful in the power of goodness, in the power of love, in the power of compassion, and acts of kindness, which is inherent to all human beings. I do and I must continue to believe this.” I believe we hold the power to conquer all adversarial tendencies and behaviors we have learned along the way, that have consistently been proven to bring us closer and closer to my friends “apocalyptic vision,” but I also believe that at any moment we “choose to” humanity will meet evil with good, indifference with benevolence, war with peace. For as many examples of the opposite we can find in history, their exists proof of the true-nature of the human heart.

I believe in you. I invite you also – to believe! One for All, All for One.

I love you,
Seijaku Roshi

16
Jan

Come Together, Right Now

One of the Three Pillars of Zen training is “The Cultivation of Wisdom,” which results in a better understanding of the psychological forces at work in ourselves and in society. The current divide and political polarization we are witnessing in America today is, rightfully so, frightening and confusing to all of us. It sometimes feels like the whole world is plunging itself into self-destruction. If we are to find answers, we must embrace the power of the “Truth” which liberates us from the causes of confusion and desperation. We cannot rely on emotions, or opinions, or even our personal beliefs when those beliefs only prove to further the power of ignorance and widen the divide.

Whether we can see it or not, whether we want to see it or not, each of us has had a hand in the making of the problem(s) which cries out for a solution. We must stop looking for the causes of the worlds suffering in others. His Holiness Pope Francis writes, “We are witnessing the globalization of indifference, there is a culture of conflict which makes us think only of ourselves…We’ve become use to the suffering of others, it doesn’t effect me, no one in our world feels responsible. Who is responsible for the blood of our brothers and sisters? The refugees washed up on the shores of the Mediterranean? [In cages at the southern borders of our Nation?] ’I don’t have anything to do with it, must be someone else. Certainly it’s not me.’ Then who is responsible? Everyone is responsible.”

What is the place of the monastic, the contemplative, in all of this? What is the place of the truly spiritual person in all of this? Are we to simply resign ourselves to the worst? Should we simply fortify our spiritual centers, monasteries, churches, mosques, and synagogues, taking a hard-headed position in opposition to all opposing positions? Satisfying our “egos” with our meditations, yoga, prayer life, energy practices, and sense of piety and goodness, while millions of “our brothers and sisters” perish in the rush of ignorance, hatred, and greed?

There can be no question that unless the current culture of fear, the worship of money and power, and indifference is transformed, we will remain in a constant state of insanity and desperation; and the danger of catastrophe, either through war or increasing natural disasters, will continue to be imminent at every moment of our lives.

Do not misunderstand my passion to mean I have answers, this is a problem of terrifying complexity and magnitude, one that I myself do not see clear and decisive solutions. Yet I am convinced that you and I must be the pathway toward the abolition of this current state of affairs. That we must be active in every possible way of lowering the temperature of the debate, mobilizing all our resources for the healing of humanity, and the whole of Nature.

We must at least face this responsibility and do something about it. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once wrote, “Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war.” In whatever manner we find ourselves inspired to do our part, we must never allow others to deter us from our commitment to living lives of Peace, Loving-kindness, Compassion, and Benevolence. Prepared to restrain and transform our own instincts for violence and aggressiveness in our relations with other people. We must be vigilant, empowering ourselves and others to meet this most urgent challenge, engaging regular and consistent practices of meditation, prayer, and random and deliberate acts of good works. The survival of the human race and the natural world, the continuing life of the planet itself, depends upon it.

I believe that the modern monastic and truly spiritual persons are called to an openness to a radical personal and global transformation. We cannot continue to rely on the models of the past. We can no longer rely on institutions and structures which can be destroyed or changed in any moment. In the words of the dying Buddha, “Atta Dipa.” We must, “rely on ourselves”. We must, each of us, stand on our own two feet and “be the change we want for the world.”

We begin, by first understanding the psychological forces at work in ourselves and in society. “We are more together than we are alone,” and so let us take that first step and each following step together and, together I believe if not in my lifetime, someday we will “awaken the best of angels within us” and become The Pure-Land, The Kingdom of God, on Earth.

I Love You,

Seijaku Roshi

14
Jan

Grace

At all times whether we are aware of it or not, we live and exist in “A Circle of Grace”. The aim and objective of any Authentic Spiritual practice or training is, to develop an experiential awareness of our existence within this Circle at all times. At all times, no matter the current circumstance or situation Grace is always available to us unconditionally. We need only to be “aware” of its presence and reach within to be infused by its Loving power.

Never is there a moment in which we exist outside the Circle, or fall from It. But far too often we find ourselves unaware of our existence within the Circle. Because of this absence of awareness, we regularly forget “who we are” and, our “place in the Universe”. Because of this “forgetfulness,” we fall into roles contrary to our ”true nature,” behaving in manners contrary to our deepest desires; wandering, distracted from our true purpose and meaning for our lives. What follows is a measure of discontentment and suffering.

Grace, is relational by nature. While it is always offered “freely,” our “participation,” our “conscious awareness” is required. Given freely, we must accept and embrace It freely. To accept and embrace It freely, is to “live it”. To “live it” is to make it our central desire. Grace is a living being. Infused by It, we are transformed into truly living human-beings. Fully Enlightened. Compassionate. Loving-Beings.

Once infused what follows is a natural awakening and understanding of the real meaning and purpose of our lives. Love is that meaning, and Benevolence is, our purpose for existence. The Circle enjoins a Community of Enlightened Beings, Human Beings, Children of God, Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Mahasattvas. Together with all sentient beings, we exist to sustain and fulfill The Great Mystery of Life which began since the Beginningless Past. It is only through our full participation in this meaning and purpose for our lives we find our fulfillment. There is no other way. As Thomas Merton once wrote, “A tree gives glory to God be being a tree.” So by being Love and living a life which Benefits all beings, we realize our own glory.

The Circle is all inclusive. For everything, whether fully realized at the moment or not, are “parts of a Whole,” called The Circle of Grace. Each part brings to the Circle what is needed, and each contribution, each participant, is satisfied by what the other brings and in return what each participant brings to the other.

The Circle is Self-Sustaining, for within It there is only One-Self, one True-Self. Call it God, or Buddha, or by any other Name, It never ceases to be The Circle of Grace or in any way is it diminished or changed by what we call It, or perhaps buy our own doubts.

Therefore by Its True-Identity, Its True-Nature, we never need to fear, or worry, for no matter what part of The Circle we find ourselves in, there is The Circle of Grace in Its fullness. No part is lacking. No one is lacking. All are One. All that is required is our “Yes”.

I see you, I love you,

Seijaku Roshi

6
Jan

Lessons Learned

In a few weeks it will be my birthday. I will be older than I ever was in this lifetime, and younger than I will ever be again. Today my friend and brother asked me if having cancer has in any way altered or added to my view of life. I don’t know. The past is now a blur to me. I recall living it, but as for the details they are like a visionary flower in the sky.

I will say this. I believe more than I have ever believed that, Love is all there is. Love is all that matters in anyones lifetime. Whence we are born we begin to intuitively move towards Love. For some mysterious reason, unknown to me at least, as we grow older, other desires seem to get in the way. Then, for some of us at least, we grow old and at the same time find ourselves returning to that intuitive desire to Love and to Be Loved. If we are lucky, time and experience has transformed us by then to become Lovers.

“In the Beginning was The Word,” and that Word was Love. It created all sentient beings and the myriad forms of its only offspring, which is Life, precious, precious Life. It is Love which created the world and which sustains it. We humans are but only one form of Its expression. If today, given our current events, we do not wake up to the reality of Love, we will be gone. And I believe that the Universe will simply recreate itself in Its own Image. That image is – Love.

I do remember that when I was younger so many things mattered which today I realize was just youthful ignorance. I took so much for granted, especially time and the space I occupied within it. There is a Buddhist Dharani which remains dear to my heart. I recite at all public gatherings at the end of each gathering. “Allow me to respectfully remind you, Birth and Death is the Supreme Matter. Everything is of the nature of Impermanence. Gone, gone, forever Gone. Opportunity is too often lost. Do not, squander your life.” Oh, if only I had learned the full meaning of this Dharani earlier than I did. But, we are not to dwell on past failures or mistakes. Only to learn from them.

“Birth and Death is the Supreme Matter.” We are to reconcile our way of living, of being in the world, with the One un-negotiable, undeniable, Truth. We are Born, and we are sure to Die. Death comes to all of us. Buddha’s, Christ’s, Prophets, Good, Bad, this Truth does not discriminate. “Time” is merciless, and it too does not discriminate. Everything, everyone, is of “the nature of Impermanence”. From the moment we are Born we begin our path toward Death. Once Death arrives, we are, “Gone, gone, forever gone.” This life, this body, this person, I have come identify with and experience as fixed or permanent, is not.

Because we resist this reality more than anything else, “Opportunity is too often lost.” Too often lost! The opportunity to know Love. The opportunity to express Love. The opportunity to Be Love. The opportunity to be Loved. For it is Love which fulfills me. It is Love which satisfies me. It is Loving other which completes me. In our ignorance we “Squander” so much time, space, and opportunity.

One day we all arrive at that day we are, “Older than we ever have been in this lifetime, and younger than we will ever be again.” The Buddha taught that “every moment” “every now” is an opportunity to “Purify past Karma, and eliminate its effects on the present moment and the future.”
So, every moment, until the day we die, is in fact an opportunity to “learn the full meaning of this precious Dharani. “Carpe Diem,” “Seize the Moment” “Now”. If not Now, When?

Please!

I Love you,

Seijaku Roshi

30
Dec

I

I continue with cancer occupying my body.

Unsure of the future I remain determined to defeat that which aims to defeat me.

I remain confident that God, Whom I, ever since I was seven years old, am convinced lives in me and in all sentient beings will, along with my conviction be the source of my healing.

I believe in miracles.

I remain devoted to being an instrument of Love, Kindness, Compassion, and Benevolent Service.

I continue to believe in the power of Love over Hatred, Kindness over Indifference, Service over Sloth.

I am supported by the very best friends, family, brother and sister monks, and community.

I am inspired by the numbers of people I meet each day who too carry more than anyone should have to carry.

I am inspired by the readiness of those who suffer, to forget themselves to help others who suffer too.

I remain convinced that there is so much more goodness in the world than we are lead to believe.

It is for that reason I limit my exposure to cable and social news media outlets.

I reject living in fear and practice faith, hope, and always looking for the best in others.

I see underpaid caretakers going to their jobs caring for people like my Mother with dementia and the elderly too ill to care for themselves.

I am humbled by their sincere devotion.

I am prayerful, I believe in the power of prayer.

I am hopeful for the future, I believe in the power of humanity, in light over darkness.

I remain awe struck by Nature. Our Mother remains so beautiful, so benevolent, despite how some continue to harm her or take her for granted.

I believe in the power of forgiveness. I forgive all my offenders and ask that whomever I may have offended forgive me.

In this New Year coming upon us, I expect more acts of kindness, more expressions of affection, more generosity, more benefits of the doubt, and gentleness.

We Are More Together Than Alone – Let Community be “The Spirit, The Guiding Light” of 2020 and beyond.

I Love You,

Seijaku Roshi

22
Nov

The Power of Asking

Since I was very little I learned, I was trained, and trained myself to be independent. This was the lesson I heard or received from two very independent parents. A very successful self-made Father and strong willed Mother. As a small child obviously this had limits. I needed to be fed, and clothed, and changed, and all the other things small children need. It was when I entered adolescents that my training began.

I was born into a middle-class blue collar working family, whose Mother was the sole caretaker of me and my siblings, and whose Father was the sole provider. When I and my siblings were very young my Father worked three jobs. It wasn’t until around my tenth or eleventh birthday that had changed. My Father had “climbed the ladder” and now was able to provide for his family with one salary and a growing income sourced in his new start-up business. It was around that same time my Father decided that it was time for me to learn what “hard work” meant. It was also around that same time that I realized that “my feelings” in the matter did “not matter”. He was going to make “a man” out of me and teach me how to make it in “the real world”. My twin and I went to work for my father, after school, and me on the weekends. We worked long hours and were expected also to do our schoolwork, attend classes, and get the best grades possible. For the next four years or so my only relationships were adults, people I came to know and learn from being employed at my Father’s place of business.

By my teenage years I had learned much about business, about hard work, about being your own person. Now don’t get me wrong, these lessons in themself have served me well, but there was one other lesson I had learned. That was, “not to ask” for help or anything else for that matter. If you wanted or “needed” something, it was up to you to make that happen. Along with this lesson I learned for the most part, but not entirely, to ignore my feelings. Especially the sad ones or the ones sourced in not getting what you needed. “Being a Man” meant finding and making your own way and, never, never, expecting help to come from anywhere except, maybe God and that was conditional. At least then I thought so.

It wouldn’t be until my early adult years and up through my mid-years when I was learning who I really was and coming into my own person, that I would begin to see the need to challenge some of these childhood lessons. Yet as I grew and, discovered I had a gift for helping others grow, one lesson, has always stuck with me and proved difficult to relearn, until recently. It would be this lesson that my own survival would require me to learn.

Nearly two years ago I was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I had undergone extensive chemo-therapy, radiation, and major surgery. Eventually I was told I was in “remission”. It would be only several months later I would be told that the cancer was still in my body and had metastasized. It was during my time in the hospital, even though I am confident that I had inklings of it throughout my life, that the “one lesson” I hadn’t learned fully yet, and the one lesson which would be necessary if I were ever going to survive was, “To ask for what I needed.” “Real men don’t ask, they go get it themselves.” I can recall on a number of occasions lying in the hospital bed feeling in pain or uncomfortable thinking, “The nurses are really busy around this time. I can deal with this until someone comes in.” “There are other people on this floor much more sicker than I am, I’ll wait.” The bottom line was then and still to some degree, I did not now how to ask for help, and worse, at least, I felt that whatever it was “I needed” others needs were more important.

All of my adult life I have believed that it is “my job,” “my mission,” to help others, and any concerns for what I might need was secondary. This was my childhood lesson. Yet when we “ask” we participate in a cosmic design. We complete the circle of interconnection and interdependence. Both the one who asks, as well as the one who gives, receives. “Asking” is relational and nurtures our true-natures. Each of us are “relational” by nature. The Universe is a “Community”. “Community is the spirit, the guiding light, whereby people come together to fulfill a purpose, to help others fulfill their purpose, and to take care of one another.” We belong to one-another, we need each other, and every time we reach out and ask for help we reinforce and nurture the “Spirit” which runs through all life.

It was time for me to finish the lesson, and relearn what I needed to. I am happy to report that with the help of first, yes, the cancer, and my blessed Community of Monks, and Students, and Members, Supporters, and Friends, I am attending class regularly and learning what I need to learn. I could not do this without “my teachers”.

Living with cancer everyday provides a lot of time for reflection, contemplation, and meditation. I have given a great deal of reflection about my life’s mission which began for me decades ago, and how my own lessons have always informed the teachings I have shared. Recently one of my fellow Monks and dearest Friend said to me, “Roshi, your message has always been the same, taught by you in a thousand different ways.” Today that message has truly crystalized and proven to be more important than ever.

Each and everyone of us are integrated interdependent parts of a whole called by us Life. Everyone, and I mean everyone, without exception; everyone’s life matters, has meaning and purpose. I have long believed that each of our individual births have never been random acts of some kind of chemical or biological effect, at least not alone. That each of us, without exception, are born on the very second; the very minute; the very hour; the very week; the very month, and the very year we were meant to be born. With us we brought what was “needed in the world”. Yet the very sad circumstance which follows is that most of us never deliver what we brought because, we never learn that our lives matter, and that our lives have purpose. So, some of us never learn to “ask for help,” or “for what we need”. And, when we don’t, all life suffers.

You matter, you were born for a purpose. Your life has meaning. The meaning of your life was defined at birth. The meaning of your life is to live your life authentically. To be the person who was born. Not anyone else. Especially not anyone defined by others. “You” were already defined and, for some great mystery while you were defined, “You” are a work in progress becoming more and more who You were meant to be. Not just for yourself, but the whole World. The work in progress is never over. The purpose of your life, having been born, is to bring your unique authenticity to the work of benefitting the world. So, you need to “take care of yourself” to be able to meet this Divine and ever needed challenge. So, “Ask” for what you need! Don’t wait for cancer or some other threatening experience to show up. Ask! When you do, as I have discovered, an infinite supply of what you need, call it Love, Family, Friendship, Community, will be provided you. Because, we might forget who we are, but that Great Mystery called by us by many Names, never forgets, and is always ready and willing to give.

Thank you to everyone who have convinced me that my asking matters. Without whose love, good thoughts, prayers, and support, I could not meet this challenge and complete my life’s mission.

I truly, truly, love you,

Seijaku Roshi

14
Oct

Oh Life

This morning as I awoke I laid in bed reflecting on my experience that last forty-eight or more hours. Yesterday my family and I celebrated my parents 90th birthday. Present, was my Father a man of marvel, who continues to work even now seven days a week, with the same devotion he had the first day he went to work. My Mother who for ten years now has lived with dementia was present enough to mumble, “Hi” to everyone before she ate some food and fell fast asleep for the next three hours. Then there was my Father’s brother 84 years old with colon cancer requiring him to wear two colostomy bags and the beginning of kidney failure. Also was my Aunt, his wife who is 99% legally blind and requires his devoted attention every waking hour. They had made the long trip of driving 3 1/2 hours from northwest Pennsylvania for the occasion. Finally, my twin sister, her family my niece and nephew, their wives and husbands, my daughter Katie and her great cousin Livia and, my closest cousin Porky and his family.

On my mind as I laid in bed were the words of the Evening Dharani I had recited in the Zendo hundreds of times, as I did just the other day. “Permit me to respectfully remind you, birth ad death is the Supreme Matter. Everything is of the nature of impermanence. Gone, gone, forever gone. Opportunity is too often lost. Do not squander your life.”

Over a year ago I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Entered an intensive chemotherapy protocol, had major surgery to remove a tumor from part of my pancreas, more chemo and then radiation. In the end I was told, I was in remission. The bloodwork showed that the cancer cells were no longer active. With that news, I rang a traditional bell you would find on any ship, to mark the success of medical science and perhaps my will to beat the cancer. The happiness on that day as well as the anticipation of living cancer free did not last long. In just two days from now I will return to chemo-therapy for a second battle against the demon thief who haunts the lives of millions of people all over the world.

As I laid in bed reflecting I wondered, “What had I squandered?” And “How much?” And, “If I did, what would I have done differently?” I must admit to you there were no immediate answers, and certainly not the usual I often hear people say like, “I would have travelled more.” “I wouldn’t have not worked so much.” Or “I would have said, I love you more often.” No my mind simply fell back to the party where, I sat most of the time when someone was not asking me to explain how I felt, simply watching and quietly loving the faces of all the people there. Most of all my daughter Katie. Whom as you’d might expect I worry the most about in the event I lose this battle. I did however begin to see where I took for granted many many years ago that all of these people, whom I love so much, from my Father to his brother, my niece and nephew, my cousins, and last but certainly not least of all my daughter, while only ten years old, would, did, and are aging toward that same inevitable transition that comes to us all. How brief the many family outings when we were children, or perhaps celebrating the new birth of a nephew or niece. Moments like these are too brief, time is merciless forever robbing us of those imagined “opportunities in the future, too often lost.”

Life isn’t like we like to think of it, “either/or”. We do what we can. We do what we do. We accumulate a collection of choices that were both good for us and others, and those not so good. In the end if we are lucky, and I consider myself as one of the lucky ones, we have no regrets. Not because we did it all right or we did it, “my way”. I think the “no-regrets” come from just simply accepting it all. All of it. The successes and the failures. All the while maintaining a sense of gratitude and meaningful engagement with it all as it all unfolds. “Being engaged”, I think is the true meaning of living life. Hiding from none of it. Embracing the hard times as well as the good times. It’s all meaningful and has something for us to seriously consider. Opportunities should be ceased. Take not one for granted. When you find yourself either walking in the rain, bathing in the sunlight, or having to go through hell, do it “as if you own the place.” Don’t look back. The moment you’ve passed through it, it is “gone, forever gone”. Look around you, see the beauty of the moment, touch it, listen to it, taste it and fully digest it.

As I said “hello” and then “goodbye” to my family yesterday, I noticed as I hugged each and every one of them, I held them a little longer and a little tighter. While I did I realized that I wanted them, to know, I really did love them, I really did appreciate them, I really was for them.
By the end of the party I was exhausted, making my way ahead of everyone to my car, when suddenly I heard my daughters voice yell out, “Daddy, Livia, (my five year old cousin) wants another hug.” I stopped and turned around and waited for her to run into my arms, there we hugged. When she broke loose of our embrace and ran back to her Mother, I knew I had been hugged, and I had hugged her. Life Was Good!

I want you to know, I really do love you! I really am for you!

Seijaku Roshi

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